if i were a boy

the clown heart..so it is..this is exactly what i felt just now..on the verge of pulling myself out..but how would i be able to do it..only GOD knows..maybe its time for me to let go..

you dont listen to her,
you dont care how it hurts,
until you lose the one you wanted,
cause you're taking her for granted,
and everything you had got destroyed,
but you're just a boy..

should you be forgiven just because you're boy?
everyone have their own ego,their own temper.How you want to control it,it depends..sometimes you take it positively and only think you're doing it for the best when you caught in that moment or situation..on the other side,if you do the contractary,you tend to hurt people without you're realizing it..
its not that i choose to be away..its not that i choose to be this way..but the happiness..the smiles..feels like its long gone..and i need to get back..it is not slowly vanished as you said..but sometimes be apart for a little while is good to give both a chance to think back what had happened..there would be no one that could replace you..but whatever awaits for us near in the future..we never know..
the new year are coming..i just hope only wonderful things would be waiting for me..for what i've been going through this year,it wasnt that pleasurable year i must say..the roallercoaster is on off mode now..toast for the new year..and awal muharram..lets hope for the better to all of us!!

the another side of the world that i wish to go back

bradford city

new castle

angel of north

things are not been sailing smooth lately..again..but i read this at a fren's blog,

kadang kadang ALLAH sembunyikan matahari,

dia datangkan petir dan kilat,

kita menangis dan tertanya tanya,

ke mana hilangnya sinar,

rupa rupanya ALLAH nak hadiahkan kita pelangi.

its really easy to preach,but its hard to pass that phase..kan kan.. at this moment i am still searching.. something that can peace me at heart..i believe i will find it throughout the way..it is just a matter of time..or i might have found it..but its not the time yet..fate..and faith..its correlated..and sometimes no matter i tend to avoid it,it comes gushing every part in your life..and you dont even have the power to stop it..adoii..thats it when you begin to wondering..what if you are given different choices at that time..would your life be much different from now?

be positive..think positive..thats how i lead my life still.. semangat kental ni babe..never give up and i will struggle cause in the end of the day..it would be a sunny day..

just at some point,you tend to fed up with everything..felt like you want to pack your things and go far far away..the question is..to where?all my loved ones are here still..sigh* i guess i want to balek kampung..the boxing day gonna start soon..and i will miss it for sure..

is there any chance for me to be there next year?wink wink..wishful thought..hopefully..if i manage to save and have a tight budget for the whole next year..well probably..

i miss leeds and bradford horribly..the shopping enviroment,the weather,the historical buidings,the foods,morrisons,the malaysian games,sahara,bowling..and peeps there too..goshh..now i miss everything..sigh..

the wedding bells

all my bags are packed,im ready to go..

the song keep on humming in my head..

im going to another side of the world tomorrow..the final stage of my training..alhamdulillah..then life would be normal again..no more nomad life..inshaallah..GOD blessed..

anyway..i just came back from nikah of my fav cuzen..i am almost swept into tears when she finally became somebody's wife after the akad nikah..and to recall back the stories of the past between the couple..syukran finally they're officially husband and wife..patience and sincerity..is the key of the love glory..and it would always find the way..when there's a will..theres always a way..as someone told me before...

to sheri and nazar..may both of you will be blessed till the end of time..another stage of life...different kind of responsibility..but now you have each other to help to go through the rough time..weehee..thats the best thing of having other half right..

and my auntie's keep on saying next year would be my turn..and im laikee..huarghh..okie..as long as i can settle my debt first..then it would be no problem to me..*sigh*..

but yeah..we never know..who know the next event might be one of us...wink!!amin..i pray for you too girlss..

the never ending journey..we would never know what would it be in the future..just pray for the best...

and now im missing someone badly..GOD..two weeks seems like soo long still..ohlala..patience..this is the consequences I need to bare when its a LDR..if you guys ever think want to do this kind of LDR..better think again..byk dugaan wooo.. semangat kene kental as one of my girls told me..but im not complaining..its good to test your love towards one another anyway..this week i would be really occupied with wedding ceremony..from friday till sunday..the wedding bells..chewah..anyway need to head off to the wedding ceremony..till then..

hari keputerian..

i am sweet 25 already but how come people thought im still 20..haha..yet i felt happy and free..glowing and never been better..thanks for you wish peeps..thanks for the pressies..thanks for being with me all this while..i loved all of you..my BFFs ...girls who had been with me upside down,no words can describe how special you are to me..remember that..we gonna grow old and wrinkled together right?we are blessed...and there would be so many many wonderful things are coming towards us..inshaallah..
and hari keputerian..is there such word anyway?normally its hari keputeraan aight.. yadaa yadaa..but then theres one person who havent got the chance to come and celebrate with me yet..and i shall be waiting patiently for that particular person who are currently too attached with the job to come..
anyway..still waiting for the pics from the girls..the jakes pictures..ill get it from nurul....but you can browse it at yana's..when we went to karaoke-ing session..and dine at bubba's gump where i need to shake my booty in front of these peeps in order to get the cupcakes....and phew..theres eye catcher definitely..malu malu..but whatever..its once in a lifetime..;)

im still on holiday..my little sis was asking me..why do it seem like i have so many holidays..i just laughed..to think again..thats the advantages of being under training for a long2 time..you tend to get a countless holidays..you got a chance to stay in a hotel,resort and such...your meal course covered like 5 times per day..you dont have to think about the workload you will be getting yet..you finished your classes average at 4-430 pm...got the chance to travel all over malaysia and i even got a chance to go to japan..and the best part was i am not being monitored by my company..so i am pretty much happy..

but hey..wait till i am back to the office..then we will see if i can still goyang kaki like this..i better enjoy my fun time to the fullest..

i am going to batu rakit,terengganu next week..gonna stay for another 2 months at GEM resort..so if you guys are coming there..do come and visit me..teeheeeheee...it would be such a pleasure to entertain you guys..wink!!

first love

Salam.
As usual.yes.its been a while.hye back.time flew so quick.life had been such a turned over lately.upon completing 2nd last stage of my seeding training programme..just a lil bit more..2 month wont be that long..i shall wait patiently..

back to the title..Do you still remember who is your first love peeps?

My first love was when I was in standard 6..i remembered clearly every single detail of him and the reason I fall for him.it was funny back then.he was tall, handsome and quite good looking guy.i tend to be all excited whenever he came across me.but then..thats it..cinta monyet org kata..then both of us went on separate ways and GOD knows where he is right now..the point is, ironically sometimes we tend to think we really in love with someone but then out of sudden someone new comes into the picture..you tend to forget the one you had “loved”..should it be define as a mistake or fate?then we wished to turn back the piece back to the place..if you’re lucky enough..you might successfully put it back to the right spot..But if it is the other way around..it might be too late..

You tend to understand more and more as you grow older...and now I get the point.. Mistakes after mistakes..The only way to justify it is by going back to the starting point..Although things might not going to be the same anymore..But the peacefulness that you felt in you heart..would help you to feel better at least..

That’s the way love supposed to be.That is the way we should love one onother.deeply..passionly..sincerely..that is the secret.. for the relationship to stay fresh and alive..but some people just missed the point of all this.They think once they are in a relationship,that is all about it.There's no more urgency to show the passion towards one another.Cause they thought they understand the partner very well..and without your realizing it,both of you are already drifted apart..and not realizing it..love became jaded and faded..so cherish whatever you have before it goes away..
i cant stop smiling whenever i reminiscing my first love..im still all swayed..how sweet it was back then ;))

i always liked this song..cinta ini m embunuhku..for the one and only..

the closure

maze in al hambra,spain

life is like a maze..a puzzle indeed..

we could never know how things in life works..

how GOD fairly enough showed you the sign when you're least expected it..

how capable yourself to overcome the crucial situation when you thought you wont be able to face it anymore..

how to ensure you wont have anything to be regret in the future..

how to ensure you would made a correct choice instead a wrong one..

because all of us made mistakes after mistakes,but unfortunately not all of us would taken a step back to learn from all the mistakes from the past..some of us dont bother and just would let themselves drifted..but some of us managed to survive..alhamdulillah..

everything happened for reasons..and let bygones be bygones..to my dear friends..theres always something wonderful waiting for us ahead..life is blessful..and there is so much more to explore..and the beauty comes within..

quote from yanna.:

"don't ever run for someone you think that you love and leave someone that really loves you behind.As people that you think that love you will meet someone that they really love and when you are turning back to the one that loves you,they are no more there"

nice one yanna..

true..people always take things for granted..and when it is gone,they'd just realized it..but it would be meaningless..cause they already lost it..things wouldnt be the same again..and the heart had changed..forever..

not alone anymore

"whatever the mind can conceive,it can achieve"

W.Clement Stone (1902-2002)

For all of us,there would be a moment where we felt things just flipped and does not come out right with the way it supposed to be so we tend to feel really really really dissapointed..then the major breakdown occured.we cried helplessly so many times and keep on mourning about it..but have you ever think that this is the part of life that we need to deal with? the journey of life that taught us to be more matured and experienced wise..the ups and down..and what we had learned through..the obstacles..let us to appreciate life more..and significantly we begin to change ourself a bit by bit..to be a better person that what we'd use to be..

and remember..we are not alone in this world..GOD is here with us..to lead us..to guide us..

Al-Fatihah

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful (1)
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, (2)
The Beneficent, the Merciful. (3)
Owner of the Day of Judgment, (4)
Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help. (5)
Show us the straight path, (6)
The path of those whom Thou hast favoured.
Not (the path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray (7)

and by keeping ourselves near to GOD will help us to reveal the innerself of each one of us..and to feel content eternally..there is no one could make us happy besides GOD al-mighty..amin..

there is few questions been lingering around eversince i attended Emotional Spiritual Quotent training sent by my company.The questions eventhough it is simple,but its hard for me to answer.

1)what do you want?

2)Who are you?

now peeps..tell me..what do you want in this life and so called after life..keep repeating this questions to yourself..the answers that i had given at that time was different to what i think..and kudos to those people who organized that programme..they did it well..if you guys have time to go the the clinic..go for it..i would highly recommended you to do it..but in order to join that programme,you need to have a zero mind..and be humble from the very beginning..only that way it can help to find the path of your life..

i am not perfect..no one is perfect...but what we are capable to do is to change ourselves..to be a good muslim..to be a good child..to be a good lover..to be a loyal friends..inshaallah..with GOD'S will..