if i were a boy

the clown heart..so it is..this is exactly what i felt just now..on the verge of pulling myself out..but how would i be able to do it..only GOD knows..maybe its time for me to let go..

you dont listen to her,
you dont care how it hurts,
until you lose the one you wanted,
cause you're taking her for granted,
and everything you had got destroyed,
but you're just a boy..

should you be forgiven just because you're boy?
everyone have their own ego,their own temper.How you want to control it,it depends..sometimes you take it positively and only think you're doing it for the best when you caught in that moment or situation..on the other side,if you do the contractary,you tend to hurt people without you're realizing it..
its not that i choose to be away..its not that i choose to be this way..but the happiness..the smiles..feels like its long gone..and i need to get back..it is not slowly vanished as you said..but sometimes be apart for a little while is good to give both a chance to think back what had happened..there would be no one that could replace you..but whatever awaits for us near in the future..we never know..
the new year are coming..i just hope only wonderful things would be waiting for me..for what i've been going through this year,it wasnt that pleasurable year i must say..the roallercoaster is on off mode now..toast for the new year..and awal muharram..lets hope for the better to all of us!!

the another side of the world that i wish to go back

bradford city

new castle

angel of north

things are not been sailing smooth lately..again..but i read this at a fren's blog,

kadang kadang ALLAH sembunyikan matahari,

dia datangkan petir dan kilat,

kita menangis dan tertanya tanya,

ke mana hilangnya sinar,

rupa rupanya ALLAH nak hadiahkan kita pelangi.

its really easy to preach,but its hard to pass that phase..kan kan.. at this moment i am still searching.. something that can peace me at heart..i believe i will find it throughout the way..it is just a matter of time..or i might have found it..but its not the time yet..fate..and faith..its correlated..and sometimes no matter i tend to avoid it,it comes gushing every part in your life..and you dont even have the power to stop it..adoii..thats it when you begin to wondering..what if you are given different choices at that time..would your life be much different from now?

be positive..think positive..thats how i lead my life still.. semangat kental ni babe..never give up and i will struggle cause in the end of the day..it would be a sunny day..

just at some point,you tend to fed up with everything..felt like you want to pack your things and go far far away..the question is..to where?all my loved ones are here still..sigh* i guess i want to balek kampung..the boxing day gonna start soon..and i will miss it for sure..

is there any chance for me to be there next year?wink wink..wishful thought..hopefully..if i manage to save and have a tight budget for the whole next year..well probably..

i miss leeds and bradford horribly..the shopping enviroment,the weather,the historical buidings,the foods,morrisons,the malaysian games,sahara,bowling..and peeps there too..goshh..now i miss everything..sigh..